Badger? I don't need no stinkin' Badger...

...not when I've got this guy on my arm:


You'll have to trust me that he looks a LOT hotter when his face isn't all blurred out :) I must also admit that I looked very nice last night myself - my skin wasn't acting up too bad (nothing that 5 poundsa little of cover-up couldn't hide, at least) and I had dark smoky eyes and pale glossy lips. My hair looked pretty fab too - I have thick curly hair naturally (don't believe me, eh?? It's true!) and since it was rainy I knew straightening it was going to be out of the question. So, I curled it, poofed up the front part (my face is round so I need the height!) and pulled the rest back into a ponytail that I pinned up. And then sprayed the crap out of misted ever so gently with super soft hold hairspray.

Needless to say, I got tons of compliments on my outfit and look both at the dinner and the BBQ...it actually became a little uncomfortable after a while...but it was nice to be seen as a girl instead of just one of the guys for a change, ya know? (Didn't hurt that I overheard several people talking to Badger and around him about how good I looked. Suck on that, Badg!)

Am I being perhaps a bit immature? Of course. But I don't care. He needs to realize what he threw away. And I'm MORE than happy to remind him.

The best part of the evening - and the part I was most concerned about beforehand - was how the people who are our (Badger and my) friends would react to having all 3 of us in the same place. They all love Florida and he's one of those guys who chats with anyone and ends up having the most random conversations with whomever he meets...not at all clingy. But the birthday twins, who were hosting the BBQ, are also some of Badger's closest friends and former roommates...so I was very worried that they wouldn't be as warm to Florida as they usually are, because Badger was there. (Does that make sense? It does in my head...but I'm not sure if I'm expressing it correctly.) But my worries were for naught - they didn't treat him any differently at all, which was great.

Anywho, unfortunately Florida is leaving for Salt Lake City tomorrow morning to advance a Drill Team trip there for a few days, so I'll be all alone. Tear. Luckily, softball season starts on Monday and we had a scrimmage against another Hill League team and beat them 24-1...so I'm hoping this is the year the Natty Boh's make the tournament!! :)

Happy Saturday evening to you all, sweet friends - and thank you for the kind words about Badger and not making me feel bad for needing to be vain for a bit. I appreciate it, and ya'll!

Cheers!

Sweet Bea

PS - did anyone watch the Derby??? What a crazy awesome finish! Mama Bea and I watch the Derby together every year, via phone...but she didn't get home in time from a First Communion to watch with me...boo. It's only the 2nd year we've not watched it "together." Our dream is to go to the Derby one year...alas.

The Badger returns...again

Awesome.

Roommate's boyfriend and his twin are having a birthday bbq tomorrow night.

Badger will be there.

Florida and I are planning on attending - coming right from a formal Air Force dinner...aka he'll be in uniform and I'll be in floor length dress (the dress I bought over a year ago to wear to an Inaugural Ball...but since I was the ONLY GIRL IN DC WHO DIDN'T GET TO GO TO ONE it will make it's debut tomorrow evening.)

I'm totally freaking out.

I was going to do a post with pictures and stories about how awesome Florida is...but now I can't get the impending disaster that is the bbq out of my head.

Isn't this silly? Florida is amazingly wonderful and adores me (and I adore him!) but at the same time I know how I absolutely fell apart last time Badger was in town and I had to deal with him...it was not classy, mature, or pretty. I cried for a week straight.

I know that He doesn't give us things we cannot handle...but I'm starting to wonder if He thinks I'm a whole lot stronger than I really am...

(PS I'm not a religious person per se...so you won't get many religious-leaning posts from me. But I do find comfort in a verse from Philippians - I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. It's either 4:13 or 3:14...both are great verses but I can never remember which is which.)

To make me feel better, here are some photos of irises from my 'hood I took on Tuesday evening. Shout out to my amazing photo assistant, Florida, who not only held me steady as I balanced on a rock wall to get some shots, he also pulled other plants out of my way. :) For like an hour. He's a good, good, man. :)




Cheers!

Sweet Bea

Thank you Badger...or how I learned to stop sweating the stuff over which I have no control

Well sweet friends, it's the middle of the night and my Florida is not yet home.

Though he texted me FROM the plane, it had mechanical problems and they weren't able to get another MILAIR or commercial flight to DC today...so alas, no happy reunion for me, yet.

His flight (hopefully!) leaves tomorrow at 7:00 a.m. with a layover in North Carolina before arriving DC after 1:00 p.m.

What a sad panda I am tonight! I nearly burst into tears when I got a text from him nearly an hour after I put up my last post...I just knew it was going to be bad news.

But - this gave me an opportunity to put into effect something I learned from my terrible breakup with Badger: There is no use in getting angry at something that is out of your control.

Let me back up and explain.

See, as you all know, I went to CA in June and came back just before Thanksgiving for the campaign season. I didn't get to see my beloved Badger that entire time. Not once. Towards the end, we were barely even speaking on the phone due to my crazy schedule (or at least that's how I justified it at the time. But I digress...)

I went to AZ to visit my best friend KJ from college for a few days, since it had been nearly 5 years since I'd seen her and I desperately needed some down time after the campaign ended. It was in Arizona that Badger taught me his lesson.

I got into town on Thursday and unfortunately KJ had to work Friday night (poor thing has 2 jobs because she's a high school math teacher and gets paid nothing.) She apologized up and down for ditching me when I was in town, but she really needed the money to help pay for her condo mortgage since she kept having roommate problems. I said not to worry, I would hang out with her puppy (who is an old man doggie now!) Wiley and watch TV. I was ready to absolutely veg out.

Imagine my surprise when Badger called! I was so excited to talk to him because I was coming home in just a few days and I couldn't wait to see him!

And then he dropped the bomb. He got a gig for full pay rate with a great Art Director in NYC...and it was for the exact time I was going to be in DC before he headed back to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving.

In retrospect, it was an amazing opportunity for him - he's an independent filmmaker and because he's not in the union he gets the shaft a lot on his pay, and has to work with less-than-awesome people sometimes. But, at the time, I didn't react quite so objectively.

I. Flipped. Out. Big time.

While he had really made me mad a few times on the campaign (not answering his phone, not returning my calls/texts/emails/facebook messages, etc) I absolutely let loose on him, releasing nearly 6 months of pent up anger and frustrations about how he treated me and how he obviously didn't care about me.

It went on for quite a while...and was NOT pretty. Tears and cuss words were involved. It was a cathartic experience for me. I'm not sure however if KJ's neighbors appreciated it...but whatevs.

I was devastated and beyond angry. And he knew it.

That conversation/argument/flip out was the final nail in the coffin for our relationship. He realized that he couldn't be with someone who didn't understand how his life was going to be and wasn't in NYC. Granted, he realized this a loooooooooooooong time before this, but I guess had hoped for the best? Who knows what went on in his head - but this was clearly the final kick he needed to actually do what he knew he wanted to do. He broke up with me one week later.

I've held onto this anger for a very long time, as unhealthy as I know it to be. But, I am still very mad at Badger for what he did and how he treated me. But he taught me a lesson.

I needed to look beyond my own feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment and see the bigger picture. This was a great chance for him and I needed to put my own feelings aside and be supportive, even as hurt as I was. (In theory) he didn't have a choice - he had to take this gig. It was beyond his control.

Now granted, there are several differences between this situation with Badger and this situation with Florida, and I fully realize that. But I think the lesson here is not to diminish the importance of the similarities - both situations left me feeling angry, hurt, and resentful, but both were beyond our control.

So when he texted me earlier today with "Not coming home until tomorrow, baby...," as much as I wanted to respond, "Are you f'ing kidding me? That is such BS I'm so pissed!" and go off on a textual tirade, I simply responded ":( Boo. Are you booked for a flight?"

There was no sense in flipping out - HE did not break the 2 planes and make all the commercial flights fill up so he didn't have to come home. I know he felt awful and was just as disappointed as I was, so why make it worse?

So - I paused, and decided that I was not going to sweat this situation over which neither of us have any control. I was going to roll with the punches and go with the flow.

Now - will I still flip out over things because I'm in a bad mood or because I'm projecting anger? I don't doubt it for one second.

BUT I have learned, from Badger, (and who the heck ever thought I'd be saying that, eh? Not me, that's for sure!) that it is not worth the headache or eventual heartbreak these outbursts can have. I take a deep breath and try to remain positive. At least Florida won't have to wear his flight suit on the plane, he can wear civilian clothes. There is a silver lining to nearly every situation.

So, thank you Badger. You may have caused me heartbreak like I've never known, but you may also have saved me from several more.You taught me the lesson that so many who proceeded you failed to do. You taught me how to breathe, pause, reflect, and proceed. Or, as others have said much more simply and eloquently than I:

image courtesy of www.keepcalmandcarryon.com

Cheers,

Sweet Bea

Date Night Recap!

YAWN!

My sweet blogger buddies, your Sweet Bea is EXHAUSTED!

I played WAY too late last night, and woke up at 4:00 A.M. FOR NO GOOD REASON and have been up ever since. UGH!

It should be noted that Bea is NOT a morning person, AT ALL. So I apologize in advance for any typographical and grammatical errors (as well as liberal use of CAPS!)

So...I know everyone wants to know how the big first date went!

(Seriously, I am so tired I can barely even see my computer screen!)

So, our plan was to meet at Union Station (the subway -Metro- station closest to my house) and head over to the newly revamped Smithsonian American History Museum to get our culture on (HIS idea - add one point.) Unfortunately, our plan was derailed (ha!) by the Metro...there was a delay on the line he was on, so it took forever for him to get to the city.

Lucky for me, I headed to Union Station early to drop off a pair of boots that needed new heel caps, and ran into my roomie getting off the Metro. She quizzically looked at me (in her head I know she was wondering why I was out...I'm still supposed to be taking is easy and I get dizzy when I walk more than a few blocks) so I told her that I was meeting Florida there, but she needed to hang out with me until he arrived. So we dropped off my boots, and her phone rang. It was her friend from home who was in town for a med school interview and staying with us. She had just arrived at Union Station herself, and wanted to see if roomie wanted to get food.

So, the 3 of us went upstairs to Sbarro (I guess I should note that Union Station isn't just a Metro stop, it's also the Amtrak, a mall, and has a food court.) and I got a text from Florida saying that the Metro was totally stopped and he had no idea when he would be there. I texted back saying that it was fine, I was ran into my roomie and she was going to hang out with me since he ditched me. Tee hee! I'm pretty sure he knew I was joking...

So, we are at Sbarro and I was a little dizzy, so I decided to get sugar in my body, via Dr. Pepper. I heart Dr. Pepper. But...I don't drink caffeine (New Year's resolution 2006) so I was just a wee bit hyper (lie. I was bouncing off the walls) by the time he finally arrived.

So, roomie and her friend left a few minutes after he got there (which was great because even though I clearly had already stalked him online and found pics to show roomie, I wanted her to see the real thing, you know? I'm so clever!) and we got to talking.

But first: we must discuss the wardrobe choice. Brown boots and jeans, fine. Black UnderArmor sweatshirt? Hmmm. University of West Virginia hat? SERIOUSLY??? I mean, granted, I was wearing jeans and a black long sleeve t-shirt...but I knew I was going to be wearing a danged Florida sweatshirt the whole time...so no need to be super cute! (minus one point.) Under his sweatshirt, I would later find out, is a navy blue LA Fire t-shirt. Not a trendy t-shirt or anything...literally just a t-shirt. He's not from LA. It was weird. BUT - he did say that he tried on 3 shirts before he decided on the winning combination mentioned above (which frightens me about what the other options were...) He said he decided on what he wore because he is just a t-shirt and jeans guy, and wanted to be himself. Which is fine...but couldn't you have been yourself...wearing something that you maybe wouldn't wear out with the boys??? Sigh...

Sorry, got distracted remembering the outfit.

Well we knew that going to the museum was no longer an option because he was so late meeting me, so we ended up just hanging out at the Sbarro and talking until about 6 or so (so about an hour.) He suggested going for a beer because neither of us were really hungry at that point, so we wandered down the road to Union Pub (where, ironically, I had my first date with Badger...) and after playfully arguing with the server that calling their food and drink specials Manic Monday when there were 4 people at the bar was silly. I also said that their "Baby Shot" special (which, and I do not make this stuff up people, was a 1/2 shot of Jager for 1/2 price. So, in other words, not at all a special.) and their beer special ($3 pints...but pitchers were $12...and there are about 4 beers in a pitcher...?) were stupid. But, the server was really nice and played along with my harassment, and we decided to order a pitcher.

Keep in mind that at this point all I've eaten is an English muffin (yum!) and I haven't had anything to drink since I fell last week...so perhaps this wasn't the best idea. But whatevs, it was fun.

One pitcher turned into two, and we were still chatting up a storm. Now, I'm not going to lie...I was partially watching the Louisville and Kansas basketball games over his shoulder, but honestly, for the most part, we were getting along fabulously.

Then came the bomb. He has been married before.

(insert record scratching here)

Now, I know it shouldn't bother me...and as my friend SLR so eloquently said in an email this morning, "As for him being married, at least he told you. Fact is that you are almost 30, guys are going to start to have been married before. Especially military, they tend to get married young. And then divorced young. Be glad there's no kids." But I can't help feeling the teensiest bit weirded out by it. Badger was engaged, but never married before, and that bothered me too.

But SLR is correct...at least he told me...plus one point. It should be noted that SLR will take any opportunity to remind me that I am older than she. Sigh...

Anyways, we talked about all kinds of things, mainly focusing on jobs and what we do in those jobs (since they are pretty foreign to the other person) and before we knew it, we were getting kicked out of the Pub. At 11:00 p.m. And we still hadn't eaten. Whoops!

So, we headed out looking for something that was open (anyone living in DC is laughing right now...ain't NOTHING open!) but we were still wandering down the road and he asked "What time does Metro close."

Oh, crap.

DC'ers are laughing again...because the Metro closes at midnight. Whoops!

We decided to wander in the other direction and see if perhaps anything is open at Union Station. Well, we were in luck! Pizzeria Unos is open until midnight! W00t w00t! Yay us!

After we finished scarfing pizza and getting kicked out of yet another place (as it was now a quarter to 1!) we decided to forgo the Metro and just grab a cab outside at the queue.

Well, like the song goes, the freaks come out at night! That's not entirely fair to say...but our cabbie had no clue what was going on. First, he couldn't get his meter to turn on (I seriously live like 8 blocks from Union Station...I told the driver how much it was going to be and that we didn't need the meter. Don't worry though sweet friends...he was only dropping my off at my house and then taking Florida to his, I promise!) And then, once the meter was working (Florida and I giggling in the back the whole time), he started to drive away from the curb.

BACKWARDS!

WITH ANOTHER TAXI BEHIND US!

I finally hollered "We're going backwards!!!" and he stepped on the brake and decided that perhaps putting the car into drive might be a better option. At this point the backseat giggling had stopped and been replaced by sheer fear.

Well, thankfully, we make it back to my house, and he hands the driver money and asks him to please wait for a moment (AWKWARD!) and we hopped out of the cab...and started to walk up to my building.

I open the door, and we walk into the lobby.

TOTAL college flashback - seriously. I was waiting for the RA to come down the hall. Uber awkward.

Anywho, so he says he had a great time and doesn't want to ruin it by asking for a kiss, but really wants to ask for a kiss (so cheesy, but cute) so I reply that a little kiss would probably be ok.

(I've got one eye on the cab driver because I'm not 100% sure he's actually going to wait and this boy is NOT coming upstairs. Absolutely not.)

So we kiss a bit...and we will be working on the kissing. Wasn't bad by any means (maybe that's how his EX-WIFE liked to kiss??) but not my style...so we'll be practicing. Practicing sounds better than working on it.

Anywho, the cabbie waited (thank GOD) and so we parted and I went upstairs, where I tossed and turned until 4:00 a.m. and finally gave up, flipped over on my tummy, and watched the snow fall. And when I heard my roommate and her friend wake up I finally gave up on the snow and started giving them the date recap (since they don't read my lovely prose.)

Anywho, I haven't heard from him today (though we did text till about 2:00 a.m.) which is weird because I usually get a text first thing in the morning.

So...we'll see.

Overall, I give the date an A for good convo, spontaneity, and general fun.

However, like I told my roommate and her friend this morning...I don't really see this going anywhere terribly serious because we are in two TOTALLY different life stages (beyond the fact that he's been MARRIED!) and he's planning on moving back to Florida when he's done with the Air Force this summer...so who knows.

So, my sweet readers, there you have the very in depth recap of the date! I hope you all enjoyed!

Cheers,

Sweet Bea

I've been TAGGED!

Yay! More fun games to play!

Katie, a new bloggy friend, over at A Hokie and a Wahoo tagged me in a Q&A game.

Here are the rules:

Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

Step 2: tag—eight other un-tagged people.

1) What are you wearing right now? Well,it's noon on a Saturday and I am already awake, out of bed, showered and dressed! This is a big achievement for me on any Saturday, and since I don't go to sleep until like 3:00 a.m. last night I'm quite proud. Yay me!

2) What's the last thing I read/ are currently reading? He's Just Not That Into You. My bestie from college, KJ, made me read it while I was visiting her in AZ on my way back to DC from the campaign trail. As my relationship with Badger was literally held together by a thread. I finished it on the plan to DC, and needless to say, I was trying to claw my way through the plane window and jump somewhere over Oklahoma because I think I realized what I had feared through the campaign: Badger had fallen out of love with me.

3) Do you nap a lot? No, not usually, because I can't just take short naps...my naps turn into mini sleep sessions and I always wake up groggy. Now, if it's the weekend and there is no reason for me to try and keep by sleep cycle in proper working order, there is nothing I love more than an afternoon nap.

4) Who was the last person you hugged? My bestie when she brought me home from the hospital!

5) What's your current obsession/addiction? Umm, other than boys? :) I'm kinda obsessed with Lidia's Italy and Lidia's Family Table, on PBS/WETA. I don't have cable (grumble grumble) but we have 5 PBS stations...so I watch the WETA Create channel nearly all day and night. I'm sure my roommate hates me but whatever - she doesn't want to get DirecTv so this is her punishment. Oh - and Facebook.

6) What was the last thing you said out loud? "Why the hell are you calling me?" to my phone as it was ringing, and the name Roger Williams came up on callid. RW was a boy I "dated" during my internship out here...don't know why the hell I dated him other than that I was sad that LOML was heading off to a Teach for America site and hadn't paid much attention to me after I moved out here (turns out he had a girlfriend, whoops!) and RW was the cutest guy in my program. There were, I think, 5 guys TOTAL in the program, fyi. Ugh. He's in the Air Force and while my internship was 5 YEARS AGO he's decided that he wants to call me to randomly check in lately. He did it once on the campaign when I was driving home from work at 10:00 p.m. (which would have been 1:00 a.m. had I been in DC, where he probably thought I was) and just wanted to say hello and catch up. Clearly I didn't have his phone number anymore, but thought it could be a reporter, so good little worker Bea answered the phone. Ugh. Turns out he's stationed in NorCal and "wanted to meet up and hang out." I said "I'm on a campaign. I work 14 hour days, 7 days a week. I do not "hang out." Sorry." SUCH a biatch but I don't care if I ever talk to this guy again, eew. Sorry...had to share :)

7) What websites do you always visit when you go online? My Blogger dashboard to see who of you lovlies has posted something new for me to peruse, J. Crew, and Facebook.

8) What was the last item you bought? Well the last thing I paid for was my pain meds, but technically my bestie bought them for me. Last thing I personally purchased was groceries that now I can't use because it hurts to bend over and reach into the fridge. And a bottle of Moscato and a 6-pack of Leinies...neither of which I can drink since I can't drink alcohol on the meds. Woe is me.

9) What is your most challenging goal? Getting Mother Bea to be proud of me and to stop nagging me about everything. She's actually getting much better since this post.

10) If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished- anywhere in the world, where would it be? THE BEACH! A beach where it stays warm all year round, there the water is warm and clear. Perhaps on an island. I would be perfectly content living on a beach and owning a beach bar where expats come to tell tales of their political days. That would be heaven.

11) Favorite Vacation spot? Well...I have a confession to make. I've never really *been* on a vacation. I went with my parents when I was a kid (and when I was in college because they refused to admit that I really didn't need to look at colleges up and down California for my little brother...) but I've never had a grown-up vacation anywhere. But - I imagine my favorite vacation spot would be a beach, somewhere warm year round. :)

12) Say something to the person who tagged you: Katie I love that when I read your posts, I can see myself telling the stories out loud. Particularly the post about how you and Ryan met. I think we would be real-life friends, indeed!

13) Name one thing you just can't resist no matter how bad it is for you: Brown haired boys with blue eyes. In particular, a brown-haired, blue-eyed boy named 1T. I melt anytime I see him, even though the results are usually disastrous.

14) You are on the Oregon Trail. How are things going? (OMG who cam up with this question?? HILAR!) Things are going well, thanks! I'm a pretty darned good hunter, so we have plenty of food. My oxen are holding up well, as is my wagon, and it's pleasant outside here in Independence. Jolly good day for a wagon ride, I think!

15) Favorite pair of shoes you keep going back to over and over, even though your closet is over flowing with a zillion others? Ooh, tough. In winter, my Uggs. In summer, my KKG flip flops from freshman year of college (nearly a decade ago.) They have light blue straps with dark blue KKG embroidered on them...and while the light blue ain't really that blue anymore, they are so unbelievably comfortable that I lived in them on the campaign.

16) Name one thing you can not live with out: My laptop. It keeps me connected to everyone and everything.

17) Has a celebrity's haircut ever influence you on your own hairstyle? Certainly - I can admit it. Last year I had an angled bob, aka the Posh. It was longer than hers and not as severe...but it was pretty cute.

18) What is your most embarrassing moment? You mean, other than falling on the ice and causing a rukus? Update on that: I was talking to my friend who lives in the building next to me about what happened...turns out she was driving by and saw all the firetrucks and ambulance taking care of me. HAHA!

19) NEW QUESTION: What brought you to blogland? For me, it was my friend Lulu...I read her blog and thought "that looks like fun, and like she's met a ton of great people. Maybe I should try it!" And just like that, Sweet Bea was born! :)

And who shall be tagged this time around?

Freck

KAG

Kate

ASC

Megan

Liana

Daisy

Sorry for the delay, ya'll!

Hi friends,

Sorry I've been slacking in the whole blogging department...it's been a looooooong week. Lots of emotions (good, bad, and everything in between), parties, changes, job stuff, friends...let's just say I've been physically and mentally very busy, and haven't really had the time to sit down, decompress, and put together a thoughtful post.

I hope to be better tomorrow...in the meantime, I will do my best to sort through the hundreds (if not closer to a thousand) pictures from all the inaugural festivities (Concerts! Galas!) to put up - WARNING (and super-secret identity spoiler alert) your dear Sweet Bea is only a wee 5'3 (ok FINE, 5'2 and a half!) and we were usually pretty far back (but we made it in!) but I'll see if there are any decent photos to post.

Cheers,
Sweet Bea

Silly boy confession

I don't really have a "type" of boy I date or like.

Granted, the vast majority of them have light eyes and dark hair, but I think that's fairly typical and not really a "type."

They also tend to be more on the preppy side of life, but I still don't think that's really a "type."

But - there is one thing that is a deal breaker nearly 100% of the time.

Jeans with athletic shoes.

O.M.G. I just can't deal.

I'm not talking about cute Diesel sneakers or something like that...those are fine, most of the time.

I'm talking about athletic shoes that you would wear to work out in. Even if they are clean and nice looking...I just can't deal.

Here's a perfect example from our Daytona 500/Karaoke party last President's Day weekend - a convo between myself, Friend, and Deuce.

Friend: That guys keeps looking over at you.

Sweet Bea: Oh yea? (Looks) Hmmm, he's kinda cute.

Friend: Go up to the bar and get a drink and talk to him!

Sweet Bea: Heh, maybe. (Looks again, closer this time) No.

Friend: No?? Why not??

Sweet Bea: He's wearing jeans with sneakers. I don't do guys that wear sneakers with jeans.

Deuce: Wait...you don't *d0* guys that wear jeans and sneakers? WTF??

Friend: Are you serious??

Sweet Bea: He's wearing jeans with sneakers and that just ain't gonna happen.

Deuce: You're seriously insane.

***END***

I can't help but look at a guy's shoes when I think he's cute. I'm not picky about them...unless they are sneakers with jeans. I honestly just can't help myself. I just have to look down to see what's on their feet.

So imagine my chagrin when I noticed that when LBP picked me up from the airport he was wearing shoes that looked like these...


...with jeans.

Sigh.

He wore them again on Saturday when we went to the sports bar to watch football...and then when we went to the REAL bar later that night. Double sigh.

I've dated only one person before who wore jeans with sneakers - CTF - and he was a complete and utter TOOL. And I'm certain it was because he wore jeans with sneakers.

Badger also wore jeans with sneakers once, but had come right from a film set so I forgave him.

Besides, on my Badger, it was kinda cute.

I know my obsession with jeans and sneakers is silly and stupid but I don't care.

I texted my bestie, SAR, who knows all about my neurosis about jeans and sneakers...and she gently reminded me that I was in the Midwest and in the Midwest it is perfectly acceptable. She is also from the Midwest and therefore things I'm crazy anyways.

Here's the strangest thing about it...as we were sitting at the sports bar playing pool and watching the Cardinals stomp all over Carolina (aside: who the heck ever thought that ARIZONA would be IN the NFC Championship game...let alone HOSTING IT???) and I of course was half watching the game, half watching LBP play pool (so adorable) and half looking at his feet...when I realized that the jeans and sneakers combo didn't make me want to beat him over the head with a pool stick.

In fact, it was actually kinda cute.

Which means...I might actually have real, big-girl feelings for him.

Which means...I might be in big trouble.

Cheers,

Sweet Bea

Madison Recap...

I've gone through about 3 an untold number of drafts of this post because I'm just so mixed up.

I just came home from Madison and a very nice weekend with LBP. It was, indeed, very nice.

But now I'm all confused.

Maybe I don't know what I want. Maybe I do, and that's what making me all knotted.

But I found myself this weekend, in certain situations where is was most certainly *not* appropriate, thinking about Badger (and having Les Mis songs running through my head...)

Other times, I found myself getting furious with LBP that he wasn't *with* me...which sounds strange so I'll try to explain. His friend ESJ, whom I had never met before, was with us most of the weekend...the 3 of us hung out Friday night, Saturday all day and night, and he even rode with us to the airport today. I might be absolutely insane - but it almost seemed as if his role was to ensure that LBP and I didn't spend too much alone time together...like he was running interference in case things got awkward between LBP and I.

So, if I'm clearly not over Badger (which, I fully admit, I am not, no matter how I try and lie about it to everyone and myself), then why did it bother me so much that ESJ was with us, and that when we hung out with some of their friends at the bar on Saturday night, he was talking to the other friends (all cute girls, natch) and I was just kinda sitting there?

Why couldn't I just take this weekend for what I'm sure it was supposed to be: 2 friends hanging out by day and hooking up by night?

Why was he sometimes cute and affectionate with me in public (which, when I was out there in 2006 never seemed to be a problem) and other times I'm literally "just a friend from DC" (which is what he told one of the girls who immediately, upon seeing me walk in with him, asked if I was his new girlfriend or something to that extent. )

Is it just that I'm pathetically starved for male attention?

Honestly, I'm not even sure what the purpose of this post is...it started out, many, many versions ago as a "YAY had a great time in Madison!" post and quickly changed into "please bloggy friends - I'm begging you - please figure out what is wrong with me and how I can ever be in a healthy, functional relationship!"

How on earth can I be developing (or, to be more accurate, rediscovering finally accepting?) feelings for LBP when my feelings are still so badly, badly torn up by Badger (whose email I still haven't returned yet...)

Or is it true, what Mama Bea has told me throughout my entire love life (and re-expressed to me today,) that I only want who I can't have?

Cheers...
Sweet Bea

Sigh...confession time

I have a confession...and like with most confessions, I'm a wee bit embarrassed by it.

I'm running away this weekend to Madison, Wisconsin to see a boy.

It's not Badger, though he is from Wisconsin, it's a boy I briefly mentioned here in this post (LBP)

As I mentioned then, LBP is a few things:

1) little brother of my good college friend BP (hence why he's called LBP - Little BP)

2) a good friend to one of my college ex-boyfriends (natch...)

3) my 2006 "locationship" for lack of a more PG-term...

So we've kept in touch for the 2+ years since I left Wisconsin and came back to DC, and he was supposed to come visit last April, but as Badger and I were dating, I called it off. He then rebooked for August (after his bro BP moved out here, to make it a little less awkward) and of course, I was in Cali on campaign. Long story short (too late!) it's been over 2 years since I've seen him.

And, well, let's just say that the last 2 years haven't been the nicest to your dear old Bea. I've gained quite a few pounds and frankly I've worked on Capitol Hill for 2 years for some of the toughest Members (which, for those of you not from DC, means I look like I've aged about 5 years, at least.)

Keep in mind that he's a spring chicken of 25 and of course in his prime...and I can only assume, still quite adorable.

So while I'm super excited to see him because we always had fun together...I'm really quite nervous.

For starters, I've had a dang cold since BEFORE New Year's and I still sound like a man going through puberty. I mean, I sound ridiculous.

Next comes the whole "what do I wear" issue? Since I don't really know what we're going to do, I'm not sure what to pack. And I don't want to overpack since I'm carrying-on my bag. And it's going to be F-ing COLD there. But I still want to look nice HOTT...so do I wear the cute little tops or big toasty sweaters?

Also, to Ugg or not to Ugg? I mean, they are the fugliest shoe-things I own...but they're soooooo damn warm!

And then, of course, there is what to do in, you know, *that* department...

See friends, I am soooooooooooooo not ready for this! Oh halp!

Here's my plan:

1) 2 new sweaters from Express (pretty cute, pretty warm, and thin to pack): dark grey and dark teal

2) Black J. Crew cable cashmere sweater from a few years ago

3) COH Jeans: one lighter for day, one dark for night

4) Black Lumiani knee-high boots

5) Black & white Banana Republic graphic dress OR purple Banana Republic graphic dress

6) Express T-back beaded top (dark grey)

7) White House/Black Market Black & white bateau top

8) Ann Taylor cashmere turtlenecks in black OR ivory

9) Old Navy long sleeve T-shirts in black & white (& possibly gray) to wear layered on the plane or just to layer throughout the weekend


Madison by Sweet Bea

See I'm trying to get away with only packing one pair of shoes (other than my Uggs, of course) - my black knee high boots, so everything is going to be in the black & white family or be worn with those shoes (assuming they come back from the shoe man all nice and water/snow/ice proof tomorrow!!!)

I *think* this will be a good plan...I hope! I'm getting my hair cut and straightened tomorrow AM...PLEASE keep good thoughts that it goes well (I don't do well when it comes to getting my hair done AT ALL) as I'm really freaking out that it will somehow be bleached and fall out and I'll have to cancel my trip!

Seriously...with all the stress I'm putting into this damn trip I'm going to NEED the massage LBP booked for me on Friday! Sheesh!!!

Until my next freakout (T-minus a few hours, I'm sure)...

Cheers,

Sweet Bea

The Badger returns...

So...check out this email I just got from Badger (the ex-boyfriend who dumped me the night after Thanksgiving, without seeing me upon my return to DC):

"Hi-

It's been a while and, if you didn't hear from XXXX already, I wanted to let you know I'm going to be in DC for a few weeks for inauguration. I'm staying with XXXX tonight then I'll be at ZZZZ's until the 14th and then back to XXXX's til the 23rd.I want to respect as best I can that you may not want to see me, and avoid those situations. At the same time, if you feel good about it, I would really like for you not to be completely out of my life, however that may look.

At any rate,I thought you should know and hope you are doing well.

Badger"

Can someone please explain to me what the heck "if you feel good about it, I would really like for you not to be completely out of my life, however that may look" means???

Any thoughts on responses? I think (and I'm not 100% sold on this just yet) that I want to be the bigger person...even though I *really* want to change my Facebook status to "Bea thinks people who left DC shouldn't come back to DC" and write him the following response:

Badger,

Thank you for enlightening me with your travel plans - perhaps you could have started this when we were dating, and let me know when you would be on a film shoot for days at a time with no availability to call me, as it would have saved both of us quite a few headaches. Perhaps also you could have respected, as best you could, that all I wanted from you was TO see you, and made said travel plans accordingly. As for being out of your life, well my dear Badger, I need only repeat the famous saying "You made your bed, now you need to lay in it." Perhaps still, you could have had the consideration of my feelings, like you believe you have now, to actually answer the phone when I called, returned my phone calls, or text messages, or emails, or pokes on Facebook (other than the ONLY poke you returned, "accidentally," the day after you dumped me.) Perhaps if you had done these things, or any combination thereof, we would still be dating, and you could have saved yourself the 30 seconds you spent writing me this email that I now wasted 30 minutes drafting this response to."

Sweet Bea

PS - Oh, and just one more thing. Perhaps, if you truly cared about my well-being, you wouldn't have dumped me, over the phone, the day after a holiday in which I had a family death. Just a thought.

Thoughts on new living situation...

Have you ever felt like a stranger in your own home?

That's how I feel right now.

I just moved into a new apartment, and after living alone for the last 3 years, I have a roommate.

And the roommate has a boyfriend, of course.

And the boyfriend's old roommate is my old boyfriend, Badger.

Lovely.

Today was my first day in the apartment, after spending all day yesterday moving boxes and furniture...I don't have keys yet, so I literally couldn't leave the apartment and go anywhere (including to get food!) because I couldn't get back in. Which is fine, as I am not paying rent until January 1, but still.

So right now, roommate and her boyfriend are watching a movie in the main room, and I'm hiding out in my room.

This is silly right? I should be able to go out into the main area and watch a movie with them...but they're all mushy and kissy and frankly it is depressing me because I want to be mushy and kissy with Badger, and I can't be because he broke up with me.

So I ask you: is it wrong that I feel like I'm not supposed to come out of my room? I mean, there is a TON of unpacking for me to do, and I have a cold, so I'm sure it doesn't seem weird that I'm hiding out in here, right??

Just needed to get that off my chest...I suppose now I'll start unpacking...ugh.

Sorry to be a grump...I'm just a bit out of sorts right now I suppose.

Cheers,

Sweet Bea

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

So I've been in a funk since I got back to DC, and it was made worse when my boyfriend (who lives in NYC and I haven't seen since June and was totally looking forward to FINALLY seeing once I got back...) broke up with me the day after Thanksgiving.

Joy.

So, after several days of crying non-stop and not eating I decided that I would pick myself up by my bootstraps and head over to Eastern Market, a historical farmers' market on Capitol Hill.

Usually, Eastern Market is split into 4 areas: the flea market where you can find all kinds of awesome things, the farmers' market where you can get fresh local produce, the indoors market, perfect for more produce, flowers, meats, cheeses, and pastries, and finally the art and artisan portion, where beautiful hand painted and hand crafted goods can be purchased.

OH - and they also have Market Lunch in the indoor market, where you can get some of the most amazing crab cakes outside of Maryland. YUM-O.

Anywho, Eastern Market burned down last year April 2007 (can't BELIEVE it has been that long!) and thankfully, the DC Government got right to work to make sure that the vendors who are here daily don't lose their livelihoods (though in looking for the original article about the fire, I stumbled upon this) and built a new temporary building for the indoor vendors. The community really pulled together as well, hosting fundraisers to help support the rebuilding efforts. (If you're interested, you can still help here - and I encourage you to do so!)

Trips to Eastern Market are usually the highlight of my week, and I hadn't been since my return to DC. I figured that this past Saturday was the perfect opportunity, since I was having such a rough time (what, with not having a job, a stable place to stay, losing my cousin Jean, and of course, getting dumped by my previously-awesome boyfriend, Badger) so I picked myself up and headed on over.

What I didn't realize was that people along my travel route (all of 5 blocks or so) was that people would be putting up their Christmas trees in their lovely bay windows. I stopped in front of each and looked through the windows and felt much better.

I continued on my way to Eastern Market and ran into a vendor who was cleaning up his stand who told me that I was very pretty today (I still felt puffy and red from all the crying) but I took his compliment as graciously as I could and felt even better than before.

When I turned the corner, my heart literally stopped as I saw Eastern Market for the first time in 5 months and saw that it had turned into a wonderful Christmas tree lot. And I was absolutely on cloud nine.

I wandered through the beautiful trees smelling them and picking up the garlands that were on the tables next to the trees and decided that the visit was exactly what I needed to boost my spirits.

I finally left my happy place of trees and wandered inside to buy cheese for my new faux-roomies, but unfortunately forgot that at the cheese shop they don't take credit cards and I didn't have any cash on me, so I left with just some pumpkin ravioli and a smile.

So this weekend, my faux-roomies are throwing a holiday party and we are going to Eastern Market to get our own beautiful Christmas tree and trimmings, and I just can't wait! :) Hopefully, this next trip to Eastern Market will make me smile as much as the last one! UPDATED: The trip was a success! We went last night (in flip flops and t-shirt because while it had rained during the day, it was fine and WARM! at night)and picked out a beautiful tree, I haggled with the guy, got the tree for a STEAL and he threw in a free 28' garland. YAY! Tree was delivered today and will be decorated in time for the holiday party tomorrow night. Will have pics, I promise (but of course, that depends on me getting my camera charger from a box at friend Eric's house...where it has been since I got back to town. UGH!)

Cheers,

Sweet Bea